Happy New Year!!!

Wow, 2009 already! I can't believe how time is flying. 2008 was a great year for us. We're so blessed in so many ways.

With any new year comes resolutions. Things to change, improve, make better. Of course I've been thinking about some things I want to do in the new year. There are so many. But, I've decided to narrow down my list to things that are actually possible, so...here goes!

*Eat healthier and at home.
*Finally lose all "baby" weight (3 years later).
*Read more (for myself and to the kids)
*Stick with a workout plan.
*Enjoy my time at home more...do more with C to make our days interesting
*Complete the Love Dare challenge.
*Complete Project 365.

So, there you have it. My pretty short list of resolutions. I'll be posting here about Project 365. Wish me luck!

Happy New Year!

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A Sad One...

I've been going back and forth about whether to write about this. I know that I'm having a hard time processing it. I didn't sleep at all last night and it hasn't been far from my mind all day today. I know writing about it will help me. But it's sad...very sad. So this is your warning. If you have any issues with super sad stuff or death in general, stop reading now. Because this is pretty graphic.

Yesterday we went to ASU's first playoff game. Great game, lots of fun even though it was freezing and drizzling the whole time. After the game, we go back to the car as usual. We have a couple of friends with us and we are just talking about the game and having a good time. We park in a lot that is way up on a long, steep hill. More like a small mountain. As we're pulling out of our lot, there are a couple of cars stopped in front of us. As we look around, we see an older gentleman lying on the sidewalk. His sons (we assume they were his sons) are around and some student national guard people just happen to be walking by. One quickly starts CPR...the entire breathing/chest compression combo. We're sitting in the car just watching, completely stunned. We can't move. We didn't want to be an audience, but there was no where to go. A crowd begins to gather as more people are walking up the hill to their apartments/parking lots/whatevers. Can you believe more than one family with young children stopped to watch? Through all the horror around, it really struck me that any parent would stop and let their child watch something like that. It seemed as though hours had passed...our car was completely silent. I know we were all praying. Finally an ambulance roared in and paramedics rushed out. They took over CPR and actually seemed to know what they were doing, but it was obvious it wasn't working. Before long, they brought out the defibrillator bag. They shocked the man three times, lying right there on the sidewalk, with his sons looking on. We knew. We could tell. After the third time, they never resumed CPR. They brought out a gurney and put him on it. No sheet to cover him yet, nothing being done, just trying to get out of there. As they lifted the gurney, both of his arms fell off, hanging limp at his sides. That's the image I can't shake. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. I see the looks on the faces of his sons, I see the paramedics shaking their heads. I see the looks of horror on the faces of people passing our car.

I'm having such a hard time processing what I witnessed. I feel almost personally involved, though I don't know who this man was. I don't know who his family is, where he was from, what he did for a living. It doesn't matter. He was a human being and I watched as he slipped away from this Earth. I hope and pray I never witness anything like it ever again.

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An Update on the Experiment

Sooo...maybe you're wondering how my less-computer-time-experiment went. Well, it went very well. I did a great job of staying away from the computer. Even now, I'm still cutting way back. Some days are better than others. Some days there are things I want to do online that I just go ahead and do. Other days, I stay away more completely. Things at home have changed a bit...I'm reading a ton more, paying more attention to the kids and giving them more one-on-one time, and enjoying evenings cuddled up on the couch. I still love my computer, still love my online friends, still love scrapping...I'm just trying very hard to not let it consume me anymore. It's going to be an ongoing experiment. :)

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Captivating...All Wrapped Up

I finally finished Captivating. It took me a bit longer than usual. For one thing, I didn't ever bring this book inside the house...I read it everyday while waiting in line to pick up Ryan. I was reading in little chunks...a chapter or less a day, which is unusual for me. I also read slowly so I could soak up some of the ideas in the book. There was no rushing through this one for me. There were days I would laugh out loud while sitting in my car...other days I'd cry like a baby. This book touched me on so many levels and really has me reexamining some important parts of my life. I fully intend to reread it...I think it's one of those books that deserve at least 2 readings...but Shane's going to read it first.

As I've said, this book really took me deeper inside myself. A couple of weeks ago, I shared an excerpt of the book. Here's another that really made me pause and realize that maybe I'm doing a better job at this life thing than I thought.

"Carol has a bright mind and a keen intellect. A favorite among her professors, she graduated from an Ivy League university at the top of her class...The sky is the limit for Carol. She reads constantly. She is aware of international events and analyzes world twins...And she just gave up what looked like a golden career move to stay at home full time with her son.

There is nothing on Earth Carol would rather do--yet it was an incredibly difficult decision to make. She has hopes and desires to pursue a higher education. There is much that she wants to do, to learn, to experience. She has given up so much of her own life in order to bring life to her little boy. Learning to mother her child is requiring more of her heart and soul than she thought possible. God called Carol to the high position of mothering, and she is choosing to die a thousand small deaths to her self every single day while at the same time falling ever more in love with her son.

Carol chose to say "yes" to God and followed his lead into the hidden life of a sty-at-home-mom. God is meeting her there. In the hiddenness, she is discovering the holy. And she is playing the most irreplaceable, essential, powerful, life-impacting role imaginable."

Yes, this is one of the chapters that made me cry right there in the line to pick up Ryan. I didn't graduate from an Ivy League college, but from a pretty darn good one. I had a career I loved. Even though I'd had my two children, I continued working. Until April, when it seemed that God gave me no choice other than to follow his lead. I knew, as did Shane, that I had to leave my work and stay home with the children. So I did. Do I want more? Sometimes. There are things I want to do, learn, experience, just like Carol. But I know there will be time for all that later. Right now, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And even on days when I'm pulling my hair out because the house is a mess, toys are everywhere, kids are fighting, and I'm exhausted, I still believe I am playing the most irreplaceable, essential, powerful, life-impacting role imaginable. It doesn't get any better than that.

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Thinking Thursday and More

Yesterday was just a crazy day. Good, bad, and all in between. One of those that starts off poorly, but ends on a high note. So, I'm going to only share the good stuff!!! We took the kids bowling for the first time ever. They were so funny! We were shocked that they had shoes small enough for Caroline, but they about did! They were a tad big, but just adorable. Ryan loved it, but the ball was still heavy for him. Caroline wasn't so into the bowling part, but loved watching the ball roll down the lane. All in all, it was a huge success.
(PS. As usual, the photos aren't edited yet!)

So after bowling, we went to do putt-putt. That was also a huge hit with the kids! Caroline said over and over, "I love you, red ball!" They enjoyed running around on the course more than actually trying to play, but it was just a great time.

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So, on another note, yesterday I saw something pretty cool!!! One of my LOs was on the Sweet Shoppe Blog!!! Bree Clarkson did Workin' It Wednesday for the blog and she used one of my LOs to showcase how to make templates work in any size. Check it out HERE. I was pretty excited!!!

Speaking of SSD, both Bree and Penny have some awesome stuff coming this Saturday! I'm not going to share any layouts quite yet, but be looking for them tomorrow!

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FOB2Y:

On the SS blog today is the latest FOB2Y...the question is… "what is YOUR favorite fast food and how often do you eat there?" Hmm...I'm not a fast food fan. I suppose Wendy's, just because the kids like it. We go once a week, probably. Some weeks more, some not at all. It just depends on what's going on.

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My friend Lou asked a group of us to do a Thinking Thursday kind of post...and ask a thought provoking question at the end. Since I couldn't come up with anything on my own, I chose one of my favorite quotes by Carrie on Sex and the City: "Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?" Now, if that's not thought provoking, I don't know what is.

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Have a good day!

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Such a Soccer Mom...

I'm so proud of Ryan! He's doing great with soccer. He's still a tad...ummm...aggressive and we're working on that, but otherwise, he's awesome. Just want to share a few shots of him (they aren't edited yet...lighting was horrible and I was using an older camera b/c it was drizzly, so just bear with me).


And of course I have to show off his biggest fan!

My babies are growing up...I can't believe they're so big! Time really flies.

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Truthful Tuesday?

So another Truthful Tuesday is here. I don't think I have anything earth-shattering to say today. I was just on top of the world yesterday after getting the invite to join Penny's CT. I'm really just so excited. I love her stuff and her forum is awesome. There are so many great girls there! I just finished up 2 guest spots and will miss them both. Mikkel Paige moved over to Digichick and is awesome. Chrissy W. is at Elemental Scraps, so I still get to work w/ her through my site CT spot. Both ladies were great to work with.

I'm doing the Skinny Jeans Experiment and can't wait to see the results. I'm having a blast in the forum and am loving getting to know these girls better. Here's hoping my skinny jeans look hot in 6 weeks!

My truth for the day is that some days I really, really like me. Other days...not so much. Self esteem is a tricky thing, and mine is like a roller coaster. Today is one of the not so much days, so I know I should go shower, paint my nails, and try to "pretty up." That always helps. Too bad I don't think Miss C is going to cooperate with my plans! Maybe if I offer to paint her nails, too...that usually works!

Ok, that's all for now. I have a ton to do today! Happy Tuesday!

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Caroline-isms

Well, I had to debate how to post today. I'm sick and pukey and just not well. So I kinda thought about just whining. But how much fun would that be? So instead, I want to write a little about Miss C.



Caroline is, of course, my youngest. She's 2, almost 3. Besides being insanely beautiful, she's also sweet, charming, and very smart. Really, she is very smart. But she also has a little problem with common sense. It's funny now, but ummm...when she's 16...we're in for it. Here are just a few of my favorite things she does/says--"Caroline-isms," as we call them....



Example 1: She wakes up from her nap, calls me, and I go in to get her. She looks at me strangely and says, "Mommy, are you home?"



Example 2: She's sitting on the potty and begins patting the TP lovingly. She says, "I love you, toilet paper."



Example 3: We're getting ready to go out for a family day. We've been talking about it. We get everyone dressed, pack snacks, load up the car, put her in her car seat, buckle her in...she looks around, perplexed, and goes, "Are we in the car???"



Example 4: Final example and this one needs a bit of background. The beach we go to is populated by lots of crabs, or crabbies, as we call them. They scurry around on the sand and then dig and hide in "crabby holes." We poke sticks in the crabby holes and catch crabs. We do this every time we're there. About a week ago, we're having biscuits for breakfast. Caroline has 3 on her plate (they're small). She eats the first one, takes a bite of the second and starts crying and screaming in fear. Poor girl is shaking she's so afraid. She's in my lap in a split second. We ask her what is wrong and she says, "There's a crabby hole in my biscuit." Just try not to laugh. So, I pick up the biscuit to see what she's seeing and she FLIPS OUT. Totally scared, screaming, "nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" I ask if I should throw it away and she tearfully nods yes. I throw away the crabby hole infested biscuit, she gets off my lap, goes back to her seat, and eats biscuit number 3. No further mention of crabby holes.


Now, I'm sure it's way funnier in person and even better if you could actually hear her voice. But come on. There is no hope for us...come the teenage years and we're doomed.


PS)Pretend this pic is edited, brightened, sharpened, etc. Just don't have the energy right now! :)

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Truthful Tuesday...Who am I?

Another Truthful Tuesday is here. I have no idea where this is going, so just bear with me. Sometimes I wonder who I am. I think I can be different people in different situations. I know some people say that they're always the same, but I just don't know if I believe that. I know when I'm home, in my sweats, hanging with the kids, that I'm mom. Just mom. If I'm on a date (gasp! this almost never happens!) with Shane, I'm dressed up, my hair is right, my makeup is perfect and for an evening, I'm a woman who loves her husband. I try to leave "mom" at home and enjoy my evening as an adult. If I'm at a soccer game or T-Ball, I'm mom, but I'm mom on a mission...also the mom who is trying to make sure all the other parents are ok, the kids all have what they need...I like to take care of everyone (and since Shane coaches, I'm always "Team Mom," so I kinda have to.). If I'm at PTA, I'm more dressed up, I'm nervous (shhhh...don't tell), and even though I'm there as Ryan's mom, I'm also smart enough to know all the moms are there sizing each other up. I want to look cute, be in the loop, etc. When I'm at church, I'm dressed up again, but this time I'm there to worship. But, in my church anyway, a lot more goes on than meets the eye. So, I deal with that and also with my questions on whether my faith is strong enough. And when I'm alone...that's when I realize that I'm still not sure who I am. I know that I am loving and caring. I know I like to give myself to others, but that I can be selfish, too. I know I like to be in charge and I have a hard time when I'm not. I know that I'm organized (mostly) and that I like things just so. I know that I have a hard time trusting people and that I'm not always a very good friend. I know I don't like talking on the phone. I know that I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I know that I love my family and that I'm so incredibly blessed to have them. I know that I'm more than a mom and a wife, but I'm just not sure what all I am yet. I wonder how anyone can know for sure...

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My Lesson for the Day

The last few weeks have been tough. Shane's been working a lot and I've been handling all the house/kid/driving around/etc. stuff. It's tough and I'm tired. Plus, I haven't been feeling especially well. So today he offered to take the kids for the afternoon to do something fun for them while I stayed home and got some rest. It sounded like a really good idea. I figured I could read a bit, scrap a ton, and just enjoy it. Only, it's not been fun. I've been terribly lonely. It's too quiet. And I don't know if it's because I don't feel well, but I'm not motivated to do anything. In 5 hours, I haven't even opened Photoshop. Just no desire to. Isn't that strange? I have plenty to scrap, some great kits to use...but I don't want to. That's scary. I just want to lay on the couch and veg in front of bad TV...also odd for me, because I'm not a big TV watcher and there's nothing good on. So, my lesson? I miss them tons. I'm sure they'll come in and the kids will be whiny because they're hungry and tired and I'll wish for some more peace and quiet. But really, I don't want that. I just want all of them.

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Fun Friday

Back when I was still teaching, we had "Fun Friday" once a month. The kids would choose their fun for the day. Most often, it was PJs and movie day. They loved coming to school in the PJs and loved watching movies instead of doing work. In truth, I think I loved the day even more than they did! It gave me a day (or at least part of a day) to catch up on some of the stuff I was behind on while they were preoccupied with the fun they were having. Now that I'm staying home, there's no such thing as Fun Friday. Every day is a fun day, I suppose. I try to do something fun and different every day...we do a lot of "projects," which is my grown up term for art stuff. Yesterday we all decorated the front of spiral ring notebooks with stickers and paint. Now they both have their own notebook...funny how much they love them. We use our Do-A-Dot Art paints a lot. Seriously...a lot. Watercolors, finger paint, shaving cream, crayons, markers, tons of stickers. We do it all. We've made our own binoculars out of paper towel rolls. We've decorated the inside of boxes. We string beads to make jewelry. We make a mess almost every day, but they seem to like it. Me? Eh...I do it for them, but it can be fun for me, too.

So, thinking about Fun Fridays, I've been trying to decide what I'd do if I had a Fun Friday to myself. I'd sleep in, but not toooooooo late. I'd have 2 cups of perfectly creamed coffee while skimming over the paper. I'd take a nice hot bath and afterwards, my hair would have a great day. Shane and I would go out and have a quiet lunch somewhere, probably in the mountains. (Where are the kids??? Ummm...how about at Grammie's???) Then, we'd browse through some cute little shops and everything I try on would make me look oh-so-cute and super skinny. Money would be no object on this day, so I'd buy whatever I wanted. I'd get some cute little things for the house, and of course the kids would get some new toys and clothes. Then, when I was tired of shopping, we would have dinner in some romantic, candle lit restaurant. All of the food would be calorie free. After dinner, I'd be happy, full, and tired, so we'd come home. Since the kids are now spending the night at Grammie's, I wouldn't have to put anyone to bed. No brushing teeth, no pottying 32 times, no stories, no fussing. I'd get to go to bed with no struggles with anyone. I'd quickly drift off and have a night of wonderful dreams. And I'd sleep past 5 am the next morning. Hmmmmm...looks like my Fun Friday turned into a Fantasy Friday!!!

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Can't Live Without It...

So our dishwasher is on the fritz and now isn't working at all. I never realized how much I used the dishwasher until now. So I began thinking about all the little things I take for granted and how hard life seems when they aren't available to me. Here's my list:

1. Dishwasher
2. Washer/Dryer
3. Coffee
4. DVR
5. Internet
6. Photoshop
7. Cell Phone
8. Coffee
9. Remote Controls
10. Car TVs
12. Microwave
11. Coffee

Notice coffee is on my list several times...only because we ran out a few days ago and I was miserable. The funny part? I drink half-caff! It's all in my head! I also see that nearly everything on my list is an electronic of some sort and most are all things that my family didn't have growing up. Isn't that odd? Shows me how dependent I've become on all the little things that aren't necessities.

I still love them, though. LOL!

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Wordle Wednesday and Other Stuff

Last night, Ryan had his first soccer game of the season in the cold rain! He's all excited this year because his team is green (his very favorite color) and he got the number 5 (his very favorite number). All is right in his soccer world! He played very well, too. He scored 2 of his team's 3 goals. He also showed what a competitive streak he has...he got pretty rough a few times and had to be pulled to the side. Oops. He seemed to have fun and that's what's important. He was soooo tired when he got home that he went straight to bed. No stalling, no nothing. It was bliss. Here he is, super cute in his uniform!

I found this cool wordle thing on another blog. I let it search my blog and here's what it came up with. It's interesting that Caroline shows up on there a few times, but Ryan not at all...poor guy! It's pretty cool, though!

Hmmm..kinda blurry...wonder why? Anyway, here's the site if you want to try it out! Wordle

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Truthful Tuesday

I got this idea from a challenge over at Sweet Shoppe...but I didn't want to scrap it, so instead, I'm just writing about it.

29 Truths About Me
1. I am indecisive.
2. I'm full of self-doubt.
3. I think I have pretty eyes.
4. I hold grudges.
5. I think I have the best 2 kids in the world.
6. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
7. I love yoga.
8. I want to give my kids the world.
9. I love my husband.
10. I don't like to admit when I'm wrong.
11. I wish I was as thin as I was before kids.
12. I don't like to do housework.
13. I wish I were perfect.
14. I tend to compare myself to others.
15. I think I have a good sense of humor.
16. I keep secrets well.
17. I daydream about winning the lottery.
18. I have to have things just so.
19. I don't trust other people to do what they say.
20. I like to plan parties and events.
21. I love the beach more than any other place.
22. I've been known to play dumb when it benefits me.
23. I would like to write a book about my PPD experience.
24. It doesn't bother me that Caroline still loves her paci.
25. I wish I could have another baby.
26. I like living in my hometown again...most of the time.
22. I dread turning 30.
28. I sometimes question my faith.
29. I'm smarter than you think.

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Don't mind me...

Pity Party for one??? Yeppers, that's what I have. I think I must have the worst PMS in the entire world because I am just wallowing in self pity!!! I've decided the digi-artish-stuff-world is just cruel. Because I'm not good with not being perfect. Siggy making...yep, cruel. People may not request you or they may not love what you make for them. They may not say "thank you." They may have been getting sigs from you for ages and suddenly request someone else. It may not actually mean anything. Maybe it's not a direct reflection on my abilities, but lately I'm taking it way personally. And if the siggy making world is tough, you may as well forget about digiscrapping. Because it's ruthless. So many of these girls can just blow you away with their amazing talent...and it kind of makes me feel a tad invisible. Maybe it's not getting many praises in the gallery. Maybe it's not making CTs. Maybe it's just a feeling. Yeah, yeah...I need to toughen up. Stuff like this never used to bother me. But lately, it just makes me sad and makes me doubt myself. I wonder if I'm just wasting my time. I think it all goes along with the whole OCD/gotta be perfect all the time/gotta get ahead mentality. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Am I the best at everything I do? Nope. And that should be ok. And maybe tomorrow it will be ok. But just for today I want to continue this pity party.

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Just Stuff....

It has been a long week. I'm glad the weekend it here, though it will be busy, too. I had a sad day yesterday, so I'm trying to get over it today so that I can enjoy the weekend.

Yesterday, when I went through Caroline's little bookbag, I found this cute little book they made. The other day I wrote about how much Caroline is like me and how someday I hope she wants to be like me...so I opened up the book and on the last line it says, "When I grow up, I want to be like mommy." That just melts me...she is such an amazing little girl.



She's also a silly little girl...here she is posing for the camera. Such a little star already.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from Ryan's school. Yikes! As soon as I saw the number, my heart dropped. I wasn't so much worried about him being in trouble, but I was worried about him being hurt...as soon as I heard his teacher's voice, I could tell something was wrong. She starts off by saying, "He's ok, but..." Apparently a little girl at his table took her freshly sharpened pencil and scratched his hand with it!!! He had to go to the office to let the nurse clean it and put some cream on it. My poor guy. I was so relieved when I picked him up to see that it wasn't really bad...but still. Here's the evidence...he's actually pretty proud of it!

Ry has his first soccer practice of the season in a few minutes. He seems excited, which is good because soccer isn't his first choice sport. He much prefers T-Ball, but soccer is good for him. So for now, it's soccer in the fall and T-Ball in the spring. I'm sure I'll take pics today and will show them off...err...share them soon.

Finally, I have a long entry about doubt that I've been working on in my head. I may just save it for Truthful Tuesday.

Happy weekend to everyone!

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Sad...

I'm sad today. That's all.

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New Layouts

I've finished up a few new layouts over the last couple of days. The first is Caroline at one of Ryan's T-Ball games back in early summer. This is one of Bree's fabulous templates, a Leslie Bodoh Alpha, and a really pretty kit from Sweet Digi Scraps @ Elemental Scraps--my first CT layout for ES! Click the page for full credits.

This is just a really funny, silly layout of the kids being themselves! I adore this kit by Lauren Grier at Sweet Shoppe! It's called "Scary Moon Cat"--loving the name, too! Again, click for credits!
Finally, this one's a bit older, but I never got around to post it. This is another kit from Lauren Grier called "All the Sweet Flavors." Around the rainbow is a quote from the song, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Click for credits.


Thanks for looking! I can always use some love in my DST gallery, if you're so inclined!

Finally, I couldn't blog today without some mention of 9/11. It still seems as though it all happened yesterday. I found this amazing website through Col's blog and thought I'd share it here. There are some incredibly moving images that will give you a chance to sit back and reflect on all that has changed in the last seven years.

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Just Like Me...

Every single day I see more of Caroline's personality coming out. She's the funniest little thing ever. She's still such a peanut...going on 3 by can still wear her 12-24 month clothes. Even 2Ts are big a lot of the time. She's going to be short...just like me. She's a sleeper...just like me. She likes to go to bed, likes to nap, and hates to wake up. Just like me. You can tell her mood by the look on her face...just like me. She's a smarty pants and tells you like it is...just like me. Today I picked her up from preschool at noon and as we're walking out, I asked her if she had fun today. Without missing a beat, she says, "A little bit." Sounds just like me. She's sweet and mean and funny all at the same time. She will turn on you in an instant...just like me. She holds a grudge for days...just like me. She likes to have her back rubbed...just like me. She loves her family so much...just like me.

I hope someday she will be proud to say, "I'm just like my mom." I certainly am proud of her.

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Truthful Tuesday...Women

This book that I'm reading, Captivating by John and Stasi Elderedge, has so many interesting points and is making me think so much outside my comfort zone. I would seriously recommend this book to any woman...and then pass it on to the significant other in your life and make him read it as well. I'm not even close to being done, but there is one passage so far that has really stuck out for me.

"Why do so few women have anything close to a life of romance? Loneliness and emptiness are far more common themes--so entirely common that most women buried their longings for romance long ago and are now living merely to survive, get through the week. And it's not just romance--why are most of the relationships of women fraught with hardship? Their friendships, their families, their best friends all seem to have come down with a sort of virus that makes them fundamentally unavailable, leaving a woman lonely at the end of the day. Even when relationships are good, it's never enough. Where does this bottomless pit in us come from?

And women are tired. We are drained. But it's not from a life of shared adventures. No, the weariness of women comes from lives that are crammed with routine, with chores, with hundreds of demands. As Chekov said, "Any idiot can face a crisis. It's the day to day living that wears you out. " Somehow, somewhere between our youth and yesterday, efficiency has take the place of adventure."

Of course, the book goes on and talks more in depth about this...but as I sat reading over it for the first time, I had chills. It so describes my life and the lives of nearly every woman I know. I wonder if all women (or most) are feeling these things somewhere deep inside? And, I wonder why? Why aren't we ever satisfied? I think that's the question I'm going to seek to answer.

Here's the book, linked, in case you are interested.

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